Photos – Kat's Eye View

The Meme Below Part II: Where I Stand

This kneeling is in protest and in prayer for OUR country to be better. No matter your political or religious beliefs, wrong is wrong. If you choose to remain Ignorant, I can only call you what you are.

When I saw this meme, it completely threw me off. I read what it said and looked at the name of the person that re-posted it. I was stunned. I didn’t think this person, this former co-worker…, this eclectic person that I thought was open minded to differences felt this way. How did I miss this? How could she feel this way? She’s much older than me, but she seemed to have an understanding about current injustices towards mankind and not just towards animals and the environment.

What maybe hurts the most is my naivety. I have a tendency to assume the best in people…. The entire issue of kneeling for the pledge was never to disrespect OUR country’s flag. Why must this statement stay on repeat? Colin Kaepernick and many others were trying to bring attention to how those sworn to Protect and Serve seemed to be “out to get us”. By Us I mean African Americans, black people, black folks. Police lives do matter, but don’t forget that black people’s lives matter too. Who do we call to protect us, if those that are sworn to protect and serve won’t protect us? Please don’t try me with that black on black crime because obviously every race commits murder or other crimes amongst their race because that’s who they live around. Certain groups of people are shown more negatively on the news, unless they’re shuckin’ and jivin’ for the masses as entertainers musically or in sports.

It’s like black people aren’t allowed to speak out and express their dislike or disdain for issues. We’re supposed to just go on with problems and be satisfied that we are “free”. The Devil is a Lie! That slavery mentality will not stand anymore! We will speak out when injustices are seen! Are things better for us than they were 100 years ago or even 60 years ago, yes. Are we Hanging from every tree at a PicNic? No, things are better, but they still aren’t where they should be. No matter where darker skinned or black people are in the world, it seems we have to put up with more hatred. What more do we want? To be able to speak out…to be able to feel equal and believe the equality is true…to be able to live freely and carefree and not feel the need to call a loved one when we get pulled over. To feel the need to not have to put our phone on speaker phone so that we can notify our loved ones about what’s going on when stopped by a police officer. To not have to teach our sons and daughters survival skills so that an officer doesn’t fear for their life. To not have to dry through a town and read bumper stickers that say “If you don’t like it down here, go back to the North” while they proudly have the confederate flag waving alongside the American Flag on the back of their trucks.

Again, we will not sit idly by while our people are being killed and bullied being who we are. We will not sit idly by and continue to watch our people be handled like wild animals. Excuse me, like cattle. Animals of the wild are given more compassion. We’re killed for selling water because someone unnecessarily feared for their life. When Naked Nathan can shoot and kill his family and attack police and civilians, there must be a mental reason, because NO ONE feared for their life and and Naked Nathan wan’t shot up like 26 times. We live in a world where fabric is chosen over a person?

When will it be appropriate for black people to voice our concerns that we see broadcast on the news? People are tired of turning the other cheek because there are no more cheeks to be turned. This protest was a choice to act and speak up with the use of violence, although violence had been used on us. This kneeling is in protest and in prayer for OUR country to be better. How can you not understand this? I feel like I am pleading for this to understood. No matter your political or religious beliefs, wrong is wrong and right is right. If you choose to remain Ignorant to the issues, I can only call you what you are. Because of your meme, now I’m right. No matter how much of a good person you are.

Thank you for reading Part II of The Meme below. Please read The Meme Below Part I: The Backstory

I would love to discuss these feelings I am sharing. Please comment, like, and subscribe.

The Meme Below Part I: The Backstory

Though many were friendly and open-minded with me while at work, Facebook Statuses reveal hidden thoughts, conversations, and viewpoints. The whispers spoken when I wasn’t around. The home discussions of how you truly feel regarding information from the news. The meme below showed those inner thoughts.

It’s disappointing when you turn on Facebook or Twitter or any type of Social Media communication forum and realize that someone you know doesn’t quite think the way that you thought they did. You, for whatever reason, believed that this person didn’t feed into the stereotype of their race or racial/ political affiliation. I try not to discuss politics or racial injustices in order to maintain ignorant bliss…and I guess to also ignore the fluorescent pink elephant sitting in the “room”.

At my last teaching job, I worked pretty much with all white woman. There was also 2 white men and 2 Hispanic teachers. The student population was reflected in the staff. Working pretty much with women is one thing, but to work with those that look nothing like you can be a lot to handle. This is for anyone no matter the race. Working with people that are different than you can be challenging.

The time I was at this school, I unknowingly felt the need to do everything perfect. After recently reflecting on this time, I realized that I felt the weight of perfection that many African Americans deal with situations like this. What I mean is, many African Americans, realize that in order for them to be seen as “equal”, we have to perform at the same level and often times better than our white counterparts. We have to watch what we say, watch how we dress, and watch how we do our hair, so as not to appear “threatening or intimidating”. We have to be bubbly, very friendly, and sociable, so as not to fall under the category of being the Angry Black Person. Even if we aren’t in the mood. We may not be in a bad mood, but again to not appear “threatening or intimidating”, we must change so no one is uncomfortable. We must watch our tone when speaking and our body language so that we aren’t the “eye-rolling” stereotype that is known as the “sassy” black woman. Some parents struggled with my personality and I was later informed that a few parents discussed with each other how I wouldn’t last long at the school.

The times I would discuss with my superior about any parent issues possibly being about race, was ALWAYS shot down. Race could NEVER be why a parent was complaining to the principal instead of to me. No matter how the parent always “misunderstood” my way of communicating because I sounded too “strong” in the way I spoke. I wasn’t trying to “play the race card”, even though this card stays in the deck, but I didn’t want to throw it out either. My blackness was new to these parents. Everything about me, my hair, my jewelry, my way of speaking to their children was new for everyone. I never disrespected any of them or made them feel unimportant, but I didn’t talk to them like they were babies or still in Kindergarten either. So my “strong” voice didn’t help matters. I had entered a bubble which didn’t include very many me’s.

I didn’t care that 98% of my students didn’t look like me. I believed that maybe I was their teacher, so that they and their parents could see that the stereotype of black people shown in media was not how ALL black people were. While I quietly fought these issues in my head, I still often wondered if anything about my race could be an issue for some of the teachers I smiled and conversed with daily.

Though many were friendly and open-minded with me while at work, Facebook Statuses reveal hidden thoughts, conversations, and viewpoints. The whispers spoken when I wasn’t around. The home discussions of how you truly feel regarding information from the news. The meme below showed those inner thoughts.

Please Read The Meme Below Part II: Where I Stand

Please Comment and tell me how you handle racial discussions at work?

Have you ever had to be “extra careful” at work because of who you are?

Valentine’s Week Series Day 6: These Two Trees

I see us in these two trees. Shielding and Protecting each other with Love as our Root.

I see Us in these two trees…

You my protector, protecting me from anyone that could be potential harm as you wrap your arms tightly but comfortingly around me.

You shade me from those that speak negatively against me, shielding me from arrows that may fall from unexpected places.

I too, try to shield and protect you as best as I can. Ready to reach out at anyone that attempts to attack you or what we have.

Together we are learning how to navigate in this world. Away from the familiar, so we surround each other with this Love; trying not to smother each other with this Love.

I’ve got your back and you’ve got mine. Holding on to each other while confidently knowing that our Maker intertwined us forever.

I see Us in these two trees with Love, and this Love is our Root.

Valentine’s Week Series Day 6

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Valentine’s Week Series Day 2: What Boyfriend? Part II

Everything was going well, until that day at the playground where a good thing was bound to end.

Meeting Natrell at the Christmas Dance was indeed, a gift for me. I had hit the jackpot! It was now the Spring Semester and we were back at school. Natrell and I communicated through notes and during games of Tag at recess. He was a 4th grader, so our recess time was not spent completely together, but we had time to stare, giggle, and send messages through our friends to each other. Never any real conversations, but he and all of the 3rd and 4th graders knew he was my boyfriend. This little 3rd grader was “dating” the cutest boy in the 4th grade.

At this particular school, we had Before School Activities and After School Activities that students could sign up for. This was to ease the stress of parents that were unable to pick their child up at 3:30 after school and/or couldn’t drop their child right off before school started at 8:30, due to work schedules. They were fun activities to sign up for like Dance, Gymnastics, Chess Club, Board Games, Knitting, Art, Book Club, etc. It was at one of these after school activities where all my plans would come to an end, for I forgot my mother was a teacher at my school.

One day after school, my afternoon activity class went outside to the playground. Although it was a beautiful brisk spring day, I was a little sad. Many of the 4th grade girls were attempting to take my boyfriend from me. LaTasha, my best friend and messenger was gone, and my other friends were inside with their afternoon activity classes or home. I was outside watching the many girls send their messengers to Natrell and his friends. Of course he enjoyed the attention, but I was growing a bit nervous about it all. I noticed the Student Teacher from my class was out side too, so I ran over to talk to her.

She was Miss Jones. She was going to college to become a teacher. She noticed that I seemed really sad and asked me what was wrong. I explained to her that all the 4th grade girls were trying to take my boyfriend from me. She tried to assure me that everything would be okay and that I had nothing to worry about. After hugging and thanking her, I ran off to play and noticed my mommy walking onto the playground. She had a long black trench coat on, but I was too young to notice the obvious omen that was steadily approaching me. Here we go:

Me: Hey mommy!

Mommy: Hey sweetie, how was your day?

Me: It was good. I got a 100 on my Spelling Test!

Mommy: Good baby! Are you ready to go? Go get your jacket.

As I was about to go and get my jacket, I see Miss Jones walking over. Again, I didn’t foresee my immediate doom.

Miss Jones: Hi Mrs. Young, how are you? Did Katherine tell you about her boyfriend problem?

Transformation Activated…

Mommy: I’m doing fine…her what problems?

Eyes enlarging…Transformation 33%

Miss Jones: Her boyfriend problems. She said that she was sad because the girls were trying to take her boyfriend from her.

Turning to look at me…Transformation 65% *eyes blazing and shoulders rearing back*

Mrs. Young: What boyfriend? You gotta boyfriend? *stares at me with a crazed look as Miss Jones quickly walks away from a potential crime scene*

Transformation…72%

Me: *Staring at the dry ground, knowing soon I could possibly melt into a puddle of chocolate under Medusa’s, I mean mommy’s gaze.*

Mrs. Young: I’m going to ask you one more time. You have a boyfriend?

Transformation…77% *black trench turning into wings; teeth sharpening*

Me: Yes ma’am.

Mrs. Young: Where is he? *looking around hungrily while licking her lips at the kids playing on the playground*

Me: Over there. *I point to where he is.*

Mrs. Young: Ahhh, naw. I’m bout ta nip this in the bud right now. Go get him. I need to talk to him. *The gnashing of teeth can now be heard.*

Transformation into unknown Bird Box creature…COMPLETE…

*The creature, now pacing and eagerly awaiting its prey*

Me: *Walking over to Natrell, knowing that the Doom was here. * Natrell, my mommy wants to talk to you.

Natrell: Why?

Me: I don’t know. She said she wants to meet you.

We walk in silence. I don’t look at him, he doesn’t look at me. We reach it. *The sounds of weeping and gnashing of teeth can be heard to know that hell had indeed come to earth.*

Mrs. Young: Hello…are you Natrell?

Natrell: *Nodding* Yes ma’am.

*Was that a growl?*

Mrs. Young: *Pointing at me with long yellow claws* You see this little girl right here? She can’t have no boyfriend. She’s not allowed to have a boyfriend, so today is the last day of this.

With the same effort that Jane Goodall used when trying to understand the communication and ways of Chimpanzees in the wilds of Africa, I attempted to decipher the screaming and clawing of the raving winged chimpanzee that my mother had transformed into. I was soon able to make out human words through the monkey chatter of her telling Natrell that we are too young to be trying to date. Of her asking where were we going to go anyway, since we were dating and how were we getting there. Then finalizing that this would be the end to our relationship. We could be friends, but nothing more.

I could hear the 4th grade girls eaves dropping and laughing and plotting behind me. They had always been plotting to put an end to our playground union. How dare Miss Jones expose me and my relationship problems to my mom? I came to her in confidence, how could she…*interrupted*

Mrs. Young: Little girl, are you listening? Do you understand what I am saying?

Me: *Nodding* Yes Ma’am

Mrs. Young: Do you understand me young man?

Transformation Deactivated…78% Complete

Natrell: Yes ma’am. *Turns and runs away without a second look at us.*

Mrs. Young: Young lady…now you know you are not allowed to have a boyfriend. Do you understand me? You know God is always going to tell me when you’re doing something you shouldn’t.

Me: *Looking down at the dry dusty ground.* Yes ma’am.

Transformation Deactivated…Complete

Mommy: Alright. Now go get your jacket so we can go.

That was the last day that Natrell ever looked at me or spoke to me. He eventually moved soon after that, so my humiliation didn’t last long. Looking back, my mother really was calm with Natrell and even with me. It wasn’t his fault and I was just a little kid right? It’s all funny now looking back, how one question could change what was meant to be.

Thank you for reading PART II of What Boyfriend. If you haven’t, please read What Boyfriend? Part I

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Valentine’s Week Series Day 2

Photo: Personal Archive

Distance

Sometimes, Distance is Necessary for Survival of Sanity.

Far apart we must be for survival.

It’s more than just the two

of us.

You are few, when I am endless possibilities.

This Distance will bring comfort…for one or two, but not all.

How close should you be allowed to come?

As close as I allow… Farther apart is ideal,

but what does it matter when there is

already Distance? Far apart is where we need to be, I

shall keep the Distance

not for you, but for me.

Others may be hurt by this, but it is best for me. I must think

of myself. Protection.

If no one else will do it, I must.

Featured Image: from the drive.com

How I Honored His Dream

Yesterday was Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.’s birthday. A U.S. Federal holiday that many companies, businesses, and school districts observe by cancelling this day of working…except my district. Don’t get me wrong, students were off, but teachers had the great pleasure of attending more Professional Learning classes also called Professional Development. Weeks prior to this day I proudly proclaimed that I would not be going to work. The problem came when I couldn’t come up with a valid reason to explain why I would not be going to Professional Development. I couldn’t just walk into my principal’s office and say, “MLK Day is a black holiday, so I should be excluded from coming in next Monday. Forget the man and forget you. If you don’t like it then you are racist.” First of all, I would have never said that. Plus it’s ignorant and stupid and a lie. I also couldn’t say, “I feel disrespected at the utter fact that this district doesn’t fully acknowledge MLK Day as a holiday. So since this district won’t honor him, I will honor Dr. King and not come in to work”. One of the reasons he and others were fighting were so that people, especially people like me, could be able to work. Anyway, none of those reasons, I felt, would suffice. My principal would most likely run home laughing about it to her husband over a glass of wine. I mean, if I were her, I would.

I went to work.

Because of the dream that Dr. King and all of the many others that dreamed this same dream, I am able to have the job I have today. I work in a district that seems to slowly be coming out of the dark and into the light, the irony, and can finally see that all people can make America Great, and have made America the great country that it is from the sweat off of all of our brows. Slowly but surely more and more people of color, not just black people, are being hired. Three years ago, I was the first African American to be hired as a teacher, not aide, at my current school. Every year since, there has been 1 more “W.O.C” (Women of Color) hired. From some discussions I have had with some of my co-workers, they never realized that all of the teachers were able to blend in with each other, until me. They noticed how un-diversified their faculty was, and wanted to make a change. Kudos!

Earlier in the year when discussing Dr. Martin Luther King, I explained to my young students that because part of Dr. King’s dream had been fulfilled, someone that looks like me can be their teacher.

So instead of taking the day to volunteer, or watch a MLK Day Parade on the “black side of town”, or sleep in, I chose to honor Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.’s legacy by going to work. Also in remembrance of the many black people that could not get jobs in the past and presently, simply because of the color of their skin.

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Featured Images taken by KATherine of Dear Diary… July 2017

The Christmas List

The Christmas List. Pretty much everyone has had experience with creating one. From the time you could write and read, you created a Christmas List to give Santa or to give your parents. You wanted the powers that be to know what you wanted for Christmas.

Years ago, as a child, all I wanted for Christmas was my 2 front teeth and a Cabbage Patch Kid Doll. I moved on to wanting a bike, the latest Nintendo game, or a Baby Alive. I also wanted the newest microscope set for my many experiments and scientific analyzing of any and almost everything. As a teenager, I grew into only wanting money for shopping, or shoes and clothes. Now as an adult, I am at the point that creating a Christmas List is a dreaded ordeal. It has become a challenge. I can’t always think of anything to want.

For some people in my family, I’m not allowed to not want them to buy me anything. This is exhausting, because now I have to create something to want, just to appease them. I feel that a Christmas List should be for things that you want or things you feel that you just have to have. Those things that, for the moment, you can’t seem to live without. You don’t realize that you can actually live without it, but it’s a current desire that you are excited about. I am now at the point in my life where I don’t desire anything that I can’t live without. If I want it, I can go and get it. Why wait till Christmas if I can get it when I want to? *Kanye Shrug*

giphy — Kanye West Shrugging GIF found on Google

Thinking about Christmas Lists is so bad, that I don’t even think about Christmas Lists from others until a week or two before Christmas. I don’t desire gifts anymore and I don’t think about actual presents. It’s not about presents for me anymore.

The present that I want to give is to make the Christmas Holiday memorable. I want the Christmasy-ness of this time of year to spread to all those I am sharing the season with. I want all to feel excited! I want to make this time enjoyable for the friends and family I am with, especially if I am hosting it. That’s the gift that’s on my mind, (but I do give actual gifts).

I want to sing my favorite Christmas Songs, play games, have snack attack, watch Charlie Brown’s Christmas, The Christmas Story, Home Alone (only the first one), The Grinch…, watch Hallmark, look at Christmas Lights, and drink hot cocoa! It all seems more fun if everyone participates in this. That’s it! I’ve got it! On my Christmas List, that’s what I want…For all those spending Christmas with me this year, to experience a Katherine kind of Christmas!!

Don’t allow the pressures of Holiday Shopping leave a damper on your spirit this Christmas Season.

Before

After

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The Honesty of Words

Words are important. They are powerful enough to bring a novel to life and resonate good vibes to your soul through music. There is an honesty with words that can bring joy and pain. This honesty can praise and they can damn. Growing up you may have heard the saying “Think before you speak”, “Watch what you say”, or “If you can’t say nothing nice, then don’t say nothing at all”. Some people, like myself, often say what we think or feel, but it doesn’t always come out the way we practiced saying it in our heads. The words don’t come out sounding the way we intended them to sound. Those like us have been told that we don’t have tact.

I struggled with the honesty of words in college. People thought I was seeking attention or being tactless without care. It was actually because I was nervous and could not figure out how to say what I needed to say, so I would just let it out. This honesty caused offense and brought about the awkward silence that let me know, “Dang it! I did it again”.

Due to the continuous offending of others, I tend (believe it or not) to not say anything because of looking out for the feelings of others. I’m not trying to offend, so I’ll just keep silent because I can’t figure out how to say “it” with hurting someone’s feelings. This isn’t the best self-saving method, so I am working on this. I do realize that every feeling or thought doesn’t need to be said, but I also cannot continue living in fear of offending others when others continue to offend me seemingly without a care. Remaining silent and allowing others to offend me because I am looking out for their sensitivity, is not healthy for me. It may seem that I have a hard-shell, but like a blue M&M there is softness inside.

I intend on trying Michael Jackson’s method of adding “with love” on the end of my statement, hoping that whomever I am talking to knows my heart. Hopefully this helps, because I refuse to wait until I become a grandmother to speak my mind, and I don’t want your offense to become an issue for me…especially when I’m speaking up for myself and my feelings.

I want to use the honesty of words to build others up when they have been knocked down. I want to use the honesty of words to speak life over myself and the lives of others. I want to use the honesty of words to speak truth as well as my own truth.

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The Angry Facebook Friend

Dear Angry Facebook Friend,

As I read your comment or status, I can hear the yelling and see the eye rolls from behind your computer/phone screen.

Facebook should not be the place where you tell everybody your business. It’s also not the place where you should share all of your opinions. No where on social media should be a place for that. Yes, there are those that bring up conversations to start fires, and there are some that feel they have to comment on every status someone adds to FB. Just because you are allowed to air your thoughts, doesn’t mean that you need to…some people sound so bitter and mean and judgmental. If you don’t understand why people do what they do, what is the point of disrespecting them? Just because you disagree, doesn’t give you the right to insult even if you are just saying. Conversation is different than debate. Some use Facebook as a platform to debate with all that have a different way of thinking or seeing the world.

Dear Angry Facebook Friends,

As I read your comment or status, I can hear the yelling and see the eye rolls from behind your computer/phone screen. Stop trying to win every “battle” and shut-up! Be quiet and try to see things from another’s perspective. You just may learn something because you don’t know everything. Give another voice a try. I don’t know what has happened in your life for you to sound so angry at those that disagree with you. They are not trying to attack you, but just like you, they want to be heard. They want their opinion to have the chance to be analyzed by others…not just you. Stop waiting to pounce on the person that agrees with their stance and not yours. Stop taking your frustrations out on all of us and learn to deal with the real issue. The real issue is that you have been hurt and you are angry. Maybe those that oppose you remind you of others that once had a hold on your voice and kept you from speaking out. Please stop taking your past out on all of us. We just want to be able to voice our opinion, like you, without being attacked all because we think differently than you. You don’t always have to share your insight. You don’t always have to be included in the conversation. Just scroll up or down and move past that Facebook post.

Sincerely,

Your Facebook Friend

Read the Signs

Recently while in Dallas, my husband and I had lunch at a Cajun restaurant. Having pretty much grown up in the DFW Metroplex, I was surprised to see that Dallas had a restaurant of this type. Now that I live in the Houston area, I have Cajun food often. Many of the people living in southeast Texas has some connection to Louisiana. Due to having had great Cajun food, I was hesitant and nervous as to what I would be allowing to enter my mouth. Would the roux (pronounced roo) of the gumbo taste burnt? Would the Cajun chicken really be blackened or just plain burned? Would there be boudin (pronounced boo-dan)? I was too hungry for any taste bud regrets. I can’t remember what I ordered, but I do remember that the staff was genuinely nice and the décor was appropriate. This along with the atmosphere made this time a comfortable and enjoyable experience.

There were many wall hangings that showcased this restaurant’s roots to “The Boot”. Many advertised Mardi Gras, The New Orleans’ Saint’s Football Team, and my husband’s favorite college team to go against, LSU. However, one of the signs moved me, so much so, that I had to take a picture of it. This sign gave a great warning, that can still be considered wisdom even today. It said:

Beware Pickpockets and Loose Women

-New Orleans Police Dept.

As Dr. Seuss might say, I smiled a great smile, and I laughed a great laugh. I had never seen a sign that was so right to the point. Pickpockets can’t be trusted because they want anything that is worth your money and Loose Women are after your money too, so they can’t be trusted either. Wherever this sign was originally placed, I can infer that it was somewhere where no one should have been. So, if you were in this location, you were getting exactly what you wanted. You were being taken advantage of.

Although today a lot of the missteps taken by men seem to be blamed on the women in their lives (that they have chosen to be with), but there are a lot of proud loose men around too. Where are the signs for them? By now you shouldn’t need a physical sign, just read the signs and learn by observing people and listening to the wisdom of those experienced in these matters.

We all know the signs of a loose woman/man, even though their actions are glorified (depending on race and status). We all know the signs of a pick-pocketer even though many of them are CEOs or employed by major companies. It might be family members and/or friends. We have to be on our guard! We cannot blame anyone for falling into the traps of these types of people. We must accept our choices and actions, make do with what those actions have caused, forgive ourselves, and live a new life striving to not make the same mistakes again.

So, beware of pickpockets and loose women. They come in every race, gender, home, and work place. I know you have someone in your life telling you these same things. Be on your guard! Listen to wisdom & read the signs!

Are you someone that this sign is warning about?

Living the Life I Love & Loving the Life I Live

Dear Diary,

My plan is to begin to find myself again, so that I can begin living the life I love. I feel as if I have lost sight of who I am and I am now bored with my life. So much of my life has, and still is centered around the happiness of others. In recent years, I have been in the midst of discovering who I am as a person. I have learned so much about why I react the way I do to people, situations, and things. I am an introvert that is not a fan of crowds or stupidity. I have embraced that I love all things Lord of the Rings, Game of Thrones, Doctor Who, Harry Potter, Sherlock Holmes, and other British mysteries, as well as simplistic comedies like The Office. (These shows are all British, so obviously I need to move…). I enjoy re-watching and rereading the same TV shows and books over and over again. Thank goodness for Netflix! Now I need them to add Downton Abbey so that I don’t damage my DVDs of the show. I need J.K Rowling to continue writing. I need to find myself being a part of a play, but with teaching taking over my life, that is difficult to become a part of.

There is a Renaissance Fair coming up…I have wanted to go to these for years. I feel that the attendees are people that are a part of my tribe. Its lonely feeling out of place, so finding like-minded people is a relief! I hear they have a lot of fandom stations there now, so i guess it is like a comic-con, with people dressing the part of the fair or their fandoms. I have always been drawn to people with tattoos, piercings, and funky hair colors. I realize now that it is because I admire these people for dressing how they want to look. I have always admired people that don’t care what society says they are supposed to look. If only I could be truly that brave…in the near future, I plan on being that way. Teaching isn’t a field that allows me to dye my hair hunter green or purple. I could get a wig, but unfortunately, with the demographics of where I work that would lead to too many questions that I would have to answer. I don’t have the energy for that.

I am trying to be in the process of doing what I feel needs to be done, so that I can live the life that I know is truly me. This includes the outer and inner me. Doing this will help me to feel like myself once again. I don’t want to be in my 50s still trying to find myself. I want to be happy and enjoy my life. I heard a song on the radio that said, “I love the life I live, and I live the life I love”. I just gotta stick with it! Maybe I could record this process. Journey to Living the Life I Love…starts this weekend!!

Day 7:Uniting after the Storm

Let’s continue to learn from each other, let us agree to disagree, but always be there for each other even when there isn’t destruction. Let’s make the dream a true reality and not a dream deferred.

Soooo, what now? Southeast Texas in recovery mode. Dickinson is no longer under water, and people are reaching out to help their brothers and sisters in need as much as they can. Rooms, showers, clothing, and food are being offered to those that have lost their homes… The Dickinson high school football team (Go Gators!!!!) is assisting people with pulling out carpets that can now harvest black mold. High schools around the nation are representing Dickinson by wearing the D. It’s great to hear how many cities across America are reaching out through charities like Red Cross.

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Hometown celebrities have finally voiced what they’re going to do to bring in aid for all that have suffered, along with other celebrities that were already doing so. Commercials are advertising with the #HurricaneHarvey to bring awareness to the devastation Harvey left behind. It seems that peoples of all races, genders, sexual orientation are doing what they can to bring relief.

Question: Why is it that in times of crisis, people decide to lend a helping hand to all?

Question: Why is it that in these horrific times of loss, whether it be life or belongings, people tend to overlook those “important issues” like race?

Question: Could it be because those issues really are stupid and unimportant?

Now, I realize that these are questions that bring with it discussions that many have had, but we need to continue having these conversations until there is no longer a need for them. I don’t know when that time will come, but it isn’t now.

This morning my husband told me about an African American Patriot from the Houston/Galveston, TX area. He had a truck with an attached trailer full of supplies he was taking to areas south of Houston to aid those that needed assistance from the storm. He stayed the night at a hotel, but when he came out the next day he found that his gas had been siphoned, his supplies stolen, and the word Nigger slashed across his truck. This is a man that I’m sure would have helped them if he knew they needed things.

So that makes me think, “You can call this Patriot a hateful word such as Nigger, but you take his Nigger goods because you are in dire need of all this Nigger has? Idiots To whomever these evil and desperate people are, hear me loud and clear… You will reap what you sow, but God still loves you.

I get so sick of hearing people blaring online, in the workplace, and in my ear about how they are a Patriot and how America is going to be the way that it once was. I guess that depends on where you lived when America was this awesome place to live in. How was America for you back in the day? I’m pretty sure that even after the Civil Rights movement of the 1960s, blacks were still treated differently in the south, than they were in the north. Even during slavery, black folks were treated better in the north, since slavery was outlawed, but they still weren’t seen as equals. Black folks have always had to fight. This Patriot was black, but was only seen as a Nigger with necessary goods.

Don’t get me wrong, I love being an American but I don’t always agree with how things are done in America. Sadly, not everyone can handle this statement. Everyone is not going to see eye-to-eye with everything they are a part of. That’s natural and its okay. Those that don’t understand this sentiment are the types that believe you have to see things from their perspective and if you don’t, your way of thinking is wrong. These people will always live in a world of frustration because they can only see happiness and tolerance in the way they believe the world and its people should be.

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The fact that this Patriot was attempting to make lives great again for his neighbors, but was stolen from and insulted all because he had what those racist jerks didn’t, cannot be overlooked. The events that happened in Charlottesville, Virginia cannot be overlooked. These are events that have recently happened, even though they parallel the events that took place during the Civil Rights movement. Have things gotten better for African Americans? Obviously, but there are those in high places and low places that would see changes not be made or changes be difficult to achieve. I don’t want to be anyone’s marionette. I don’t want to have someone string me along making me feel like I’m equal, with them knowing I can only go so far. People can move on from the past, but if the past keeps knocking on their door what are they supposed to do? As I mentioned before, I am proud to be living in the strongest nation (from what I’m told), but I’m not blind to the reality of this country. Are there other countries dealing with things that are worse; yes, but my focus is my home. Gotta get things together here first.

I am in no way trying to make this post be about racism, because there would be so much more to write. What I am trying to say is that I am happy to see how all are coming together in this time of need regardless of race. Let’s not allow these actions to end as soon as normality comes back. We are people and should always be united because we only have each other. What makes this country great, is how people from all races, genders, creeds can live together. Let’s continue to learn from each other, let us agree to disagree, but always be there for each other even when there isn’t destruction. Let’s make the dream a true reality and not a dream deferred.

A Donut, A Spider, and Me

A lot has happened this past week. It was the first week of school, a Lunar Eclipse happened that Monday, and then my family and I evacuated from a horrendous Hurricane named Harvey that Thursday. To keep my mind off the latter and all that it brought, I have been thinking about a recent event that happened all while wanting to enjoy a donut in Maryland.

This summer I got bit by a spider. It was a warm July day in Maryland. Evening was quickly approaching and my husband Lloyd, our friends Billy and Joy, and myself had just come from the wedding rehearsal of our good buddies Kenneth and Shannon. We had decided to stop at a Duncan Donuts for a quick snack before we would all have dinner later that night. The area we were in was beautiful. The sun was beginning to go down and the trees slowly swayed in the light breeze while the Marylanders complained about the cool 85 degree weather. All of us being from Texas, were enjoying this break from the scorching heat of 97 or higher degrees (with or without humidity) that we were normally subjected to. We thought it felt great! So much so, that we decided to enjoy our donuts at the tables that were outside of the establishment. This was probably around 7 something in the p.m., so I should have used more caution before deciding to have a donut.

This particular day I decided to have an apple fritter. I mean, why not? They’re good right????? Yes they are. So as soon as I received mine, naturally I bit into it. That wasn’t the best choice. I mean, I shouldn’t have chosen to do this so hastily. The freakin’ donut was hard, which I can only assume was from being out all day! This caused me to break my wire. I wear braces you see. Thank you DD for not changing out your donuts throughout the day. Quickly I began to panic. I was trying to run down the list of why this was a problem. Thank goodness it wasn’t poking me in the jaw, but I knew it would be difficult to eat, and possibly sing. I had been asked to sing in the wedding and didn’t want to mess Kenny and Shannon’s wedding day up by not being at my best. Kenny has heard me sing, but Shannon hasn’t. She was trusting the word of her future husband. Would this incident affect my singing? I was already nervous! So at this point, I was a tad a lot-a-bit irritable. With an attitude, I threw the donut away. If I was thinking clearly, I wouldn’t have paid for it.

As we sat outside so Lloyd, Billy, and Joy could enjoy their donuts and coffee, my bad mood began to leave. The conversations were going well and we were all excited about our close friend Kenny getting married. We were all eager to see this day come to pass. While sitting, I had been telling Joy how I always feel like something is stinging or biting me, but it’s always nothing. And then it happened. I felt a hard sting. I pulled my arm off the table and saw a tan-ish spider, that was as big as my pinky finger nail, in a tight ball under the spot where my arm was laying. We were sitting at one of those tables that is made to look netted, so there are holes in it.

I looked at where I was feeling a burning and announced, “I think I’ve been bitten by a spider”. No one moved because my company was now on their phones. I said it a little louder, and finally I got a response. *See here is my problem. It seems that the only time anyone hears me the 1^st time I speak, is when what I’ve said has been interpreted as rude…this is truly annoying!!!!*

So before we had time to catch the spider to determine if it was poisonous, my Knight in Shining Armor vanquished the evil creature by vigorously smiting him until nothing about him could be made out. It was most honorable! He then rushed to get me ice so that I could immediately place it upon my burning and possibly poisoned arm. We quickly located an urgent care and I was seen and prescribed antibiotics. Some tears were shed, due to online searching of what we remembered the spider to look like, which popped up as possibly being a type of Brown Recluse.

While at the urgent care the area on my arm where I was bitten, appeared to have dented in. This caused some more internal panic, self-encouragement, and quiet tears. I had been bitten on my right arm, my dominate arm. The arm I hold the microphone with to sing! I had already been thinking about a friend from college that had been bitten by a Brown Recluse and how her arm looked after the bite…frightful!

We weren’t able to have that dinner, but the next day I sang in the wedding with my broken wire not being an issue and it appears I wasn’t poisoned. I can still see the 2 bite marks, but sadly no super powers…yet. 🙂

Day 4: Escape from Hurricane Harvey

Harvey came in quite differently than his brother Ike from nine years ago. He wants to stay awhile and not be overlooked. Harvey is surely attempting to not be looked at as just the younger brother that came and went. His older brother Ike didn’t come to play games either and changed how people thought Hurricanes were supposed to behave, just as their older twin sisters Katrina and Rita did in 2005. Harvey is out to prove a point. He is the “long night”.

Monday, August 28, 2017 It is now day 4 that my husband, myself, my mother-in-law, and my sister-in-law, have been in Dallas. Unfortunately, we aren’t here for a vacation. This is the city I lived most of my life in so it is definitely home, and I always dream of moving back here, but this time we came here due to a stranger thing named Harvey. Harvey came in quite differently than his brother Ike from nine years ago. He wants to stay awhile and not be overlooked. Harvey is surely attempting to not be looked at as just the younger brother that came and went. His older brother Ike didn’t come to play games either and changed how people thought Hurricanes were supposed to behave, just as their older twin sisters Katrina and Rita did in 2005. Harvey is out to prove a point. He is the “long night”.

Thursday afternoon my husband texted me, while I was at work, to let me know that we would be leaving as soon as I returned home from work. His sister and mom would be meeting us at our home and we would be headed for Dallas. My district waited until that evening to inform the staff, faculty, and parents that there would be no school for the following day…. The news told the city of Galveston that they were under mandatory evacuation, but other cities around the Houston/Galveston area were on voluntary evacuation. They stated that if you left Friday morning that would be fine, but you didn’t really have to leave Thursday Night. My husband had experienced the chaos that was Harvey’s big sister Rita, so he wasn’t taking any chances. We both, along with the rest of America, had seen what the water did when her twin sister Katrina visited New Orleans. I didn’t fight this decision or ask a thousand questions about it. I was anxious to see how this Hurricane would pan out. Would it really be worse than Ike and bring all that the meteorologists were saying and showing? We packed up a few necessities and drove to Dallas. While here my husband and I have been going around with wide eyes seeing how much my city has expanded, but our hearts aren’t really here. We can’t help but try to keep up with all that is going on back home. We continue to call, text, and Facebook all that we know and love. Hearing about how friends had to flee to their attics because of homes being flooded with 4+ feet of water and having to cut holes in their roofs to be rescued out is heartbreaking. Some were even rescued out of their cars while attempting to drive to higher ground. Usually when Houston floods, Dickinson and other cities south don’t have this type of impact or anything close to what is happening now even though we are closer to the Gulf of Mexico. This time, the Dickinson Bayou grew and burst forth even before the rains came. The rains did come later in the night. There was no time to leave Friday morning!

Dickinson is under water. This is the city my husband grew up in. My love for this small city that lies 23 miles south of Houston (depending on what part of Houston you want to go to the distance is much shorter) and 24 miles north of Galveston, only grew when I became a teacher here. My husband and I have hundreds of students here along with close friends and family here. Watching The Weather Channel and their continuous reporting on the city of Dickinson, we can’t help but get emotional, as we see what should be a parking lot now be used as a place where boats, canoes, kayaks, and sea-doos sail people to safety. Seeing all of those people that are just now leaving, makes you wonder if they truly thought they could “Hunker Down” as it is called, or did they just not have a place to go. Attempting to evacuate any place requires finances. There are so many people who are afraid to leave their homes, even after the warnings that water and electricity will be shut off in the city. They are wanting to be near family, but they aren’t listening to all of their family. They aren’t thinking about how others in their family want them to find safety. They aren’t thinking about how they need to obey the police, the national guard, and the news’ warnings about Harvey awakening from his slumber only to bring more devastation. Not only is more water a problem tornadoes are a threat too.

So many people want to leave, but they can’t. A daughter wanting to leave and save herself and her children, but her older mother not wanting to leave or not physically being able to just get up and go. A son in the same situation choosing to stay because their older mother refuses to go. What do these adult children do? It’s not fair! When can we say to parents, “Well I’m looking out for me and mine?” Or does this approach sound too selfish? Yet isn’t the parent being selfish in not wanting to be helped or to listen to their child?

So many people are trying to figure out why this is happening. I don’t know why and as of right now I don’t care. I just know it is happening. I don’t care if this is a storm created by the Elite to once again attempt to wipe out those that are considered less than due to their financial situation, race, or age; or if this is a natural storm that is happening due to it being Hurricane Season. These people have lost everything. All they pretty much have are the wet clothes they are currently wearing and hopefully some shoes. Infants and pets are confused and everyone is in desperate places. People’s homes and livelihoods have been destroyed. God please help us!

Here is my prayer and I ask you readers to pray it too: God, please hear our prayer. No matter if this is a man-made storm or one created by nature, please hear the cries of your people. I know that all things work together for your good, and we don’t always understand why things happen when they do, but please make the rain and Harvey go away.

There are 50 more inches of rain to come…Prayers going out to the people of Rockport, Corpus Christi, Houston, Dickinson, League City, Webster, Pasadena, Pearland, Friendswood, Manvel, Alvin, LaMarque, Sugarland, Fort Bend, Galveston, Katy, Spring, Aransas Pass, Bay City, and every city and family affected by Hurricane Harvey.

All pictures curtesy of Yahoo Images and The Weather Channel

Comfortable Conversation

My circle is extremely small and those few people KNOW me. They know when I am uncomfortable and they know when I need to recharge. They can also tell if I am saying things because I am uncomfortable, and not because I am trying to be rude.

Conversing is a skill that must be taught and people soon learn that there are different conversations for different audiences. Conversation and comfort go hand in hand. You should be comfortable with those you are speaking with. What about those times that you are forced into places with people you aren’t as comfortable with, but conversation is expected?

I love being around my circle of friends or my closest family members. These are the people I feel most comfortable around. I don’t feel pressure to force a conversation or to end the awkward silence that has pushed its way into the car or room. I’m not concerned with what they are thinking or how they feel about me. My circle is extremely small and those few people KNOW me. They know when I am uncomfortable and they know when I need to recharge. They can also tell if I am saying things because I am uncomfortable, and not because I am trying to be rude. That’s another topic to write about later.

I am an introvert and I am most comfortable being around those that I know and I am uncomfortable around those that I don’t know. I am an Introvert not by choice, but that’s the way it is. Growing up and even through college, I was unaware of this characteristic. I enjoyed, and still enjoy, going out and having fun with friends, but I also prefer to be by myself. I am an only child, but that too is another writing topic for later. In college, my friends and I would often go out, but I was with those I felt most comfortable around, so I was okay. After graduating college I didn’t understand why I preferred to be home and not out with others. It wasn’t until I watched a YouTube video to see what an Introvert and Extrovert was, that I made the connection. I also realized that I had married an Extrovert, which explained why he was always the life of the party that I was eagerly trying to get away from.

There are times when I cannot be my true introverted self, such as in my classroom. I must talk with my students and their parents, or the year will not go well. Education, like other jobs under the umbrella of customer service, must have communication between the company and their clients or stakeholders. This is something I have to do, but oddly enough, in my classroom I feel very comfortable. I am nervous, but I get through it.

Often when I am around others or in places that I do feel uncomfortable, the only thing that is on my mind is the great escape. I am determined to figure out how I cannot be around these tormentors; these people that I don’t know but have to be around. I try with all of my might to think of something in order to strike up a conversation. I am aware of the awkward silence and the need for talking, but I just don’t know what to say. I also want whatever is said to come out sounding like I am truly genuine in my questions and conversations. I feel like it would be obvious if I wasn’t genuine. All of this wanting to converse exhausts me. Along with feeling uncomfortable my energy is drained. I need to gain my strength back in the presence of isolation. Oh Solitude, what sweet joyous songs you sing to me when it is just the two of us! Having this characteristic is very challenging when this issue is continued for multiple days. It wouldn’t be too bad if this discomfort didn’t come from those I now must claim as family. How can I get to know you, when it is obvious you are uncomfortable with me, but you bring friends and family around as distractions for you to be comfortable? Hopefully I am wrong, but that’s how it seems. I don’t need to get to know them, just you. Only those that think they know me, see these challenges as social anxiety.

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Featured Image: from the drive.com

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