My plan is to begin to find myself again, so that I can begin living the life I love. I feel as if I have lost sight of who I am and I am now bored with my life. So much of my life has, and still is centered around the happiness of others. In recent years, I have been in the midst of discovering who I am as a person. I have learned so much about why I react the way I do to people, situations, and things. I am an introvert that is not a fan of crowds or stupidity. I have embraced that I love all things Lord of the Rings, Game of Thrones, Doctor Who, Harry Potter, Sherlock Holmes, and other British mysteries, as well as simplistic comedies like The Office. (These shows are all British, so obviously I need to move…). I enjoy re-watching and rereading the same TV shows and books over and over again. Thank goodness for Netflix! Now I need them to add Downton Abbey so that I don’t damage my DVDs of the show. I need J.K Rowling to continue writing. I need to find myself being a part of a play, but with teaching taking over my life, that is difficult to become a part of.
There is a Renaissance Fair coming up…I have wanted to go to these for years. I feel that the attendees are people that are a part of my tribe. Its lonely feeling out of place, so finding like-minded people is a relief! I hear they have a lot of fandom stations there now, so i guess it is like a comic-con, with people dressing the part of the fair or their fandoms. I have always been drawn to people with tattoos, piercings, and funky hair colors. I realize now that it is because I admire these people for dressing how they want to look. I have always admired people that don’t care what society says they are supposed to look. If only I could be truly that brave…in the near future, I plan on being that way. Teaching isn’t a field that allows me to dye my hair hunter green or purple. I could get a wig, but unfortunately, with the demographics of where I work that would lead to too many questions that I would have to answer. I don’t have the energy for that.
I am trying to be in the process of doing what I feel needs to be done, so that I can live the life that I know is truly me. This includes the outer and inner me. Doing this will help me to feel like myself once again. I don’t want to be in my 50s still trying to find myself. I want to be happy and enjoy my life. I heard a song on the radio that said, “I love the life I live, and I live the life I love”. I just gotta stick with it! Maybe I could record this process. Journey to Living the Life I Love…starts this weekend!!