College: Was it Worth It?

During this time, we NEVER expected anything more.  I remember telling him and another male friend, that when it was time for me to get married, they would be my male bridesmaids…what is that… groomsmaids? Is that an oxymoron?

College….  I graduated from a wonderful University, in the geographical area of The U.S. called the Plains.  There I earned a degree in education, (little e on that); but I truly earned my degree in Education, Big E, when I actually became a teacher.  Nothing prepared me for teaching, except for being in the classroom.

While at University, I met a guy.  We didn’t date in college, we were just close acquaintances.  We developed more of a friendship after he graduated.  A few years later, after I graduated, we lost contact.  Thanks to Hotmail, my uncharacteristic curiosity of wondering how he was doing, and actually following through with that curiosity to make contact, we soon became the best of friends.

Through email and daily speaking on the phone whenever we had free time, we developed a strong friendship.  During this time, we NEVER expected anything more.  I remember telling him and another male friend, that when it was time for me to get married, they would be my male bridesmaids.  What would that be… groomsmaids? Is that an oxymoron?

Long story short, I met my huz-band in college, and he was the best thing I received from that place.

He cost me ALL OF THAT MONEY, but if it weren’t for college we would have never met.  So for me, college was worth it…expensive, but worth it.

*Sidenote: Please DO NOT go to college in hopes of meeting your spouse.  Use this time to get to know yourself and other people.  Nothing too serious.  Stay focused on why you are there and have SAFE fun!*

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The Honesty of Words

Words are important.  They are powerful enough to bring a novel to life and resonate good vibes to your soul through music.  There is an honesty with words that can bring joy and pain.  This honesty can praise and they can damn.  Growing up you may have heard the saying “Think before you speak”, “Watch what you say”, or “If you can’t say nothing nice, then don’t say nothing at all”.  Some people, like myself, often say what we think or feel, but it doesn’t always come out the way we practiced saying it in our heads.  The words don’t come out sounding the way we intended them to sound.  Those like us have been told that we don’t have tact.

I struggled with the honesty of words in college.  People thought I was seeking attention or being tactless without care.  It was actually because I was nervous and could not figure out how to say what I needed to say, so I would just let it out.  This honesty caused offense and brought about the awkward silence that let me know, “Dang it!  I did it again”.

Due to the continuous offending of others, I tend (believe it or not) to not say anything because of looking out for the feelings of others.  I’m not trying to offend, so I’ll just keep silent because I can’t figure out how to say “it” with hurting someone’s feelings.  This isn’t the best self-saving method, so I am working on this.  I do realize that every feeling or thought doesn’t need to be said, but I also cannot continue living in fear of offending others when others continue to offend me seemingly without a care.  Remaining silent and allowing others to offend me because I am looking out for their sensitivity, is not healthy for me. It may seem that I have a hard-shell, but like a blue M&M there is softness inside.

I intend on trying Michael Jackson’s method of adding “with love” on the end of my statement, hoping that whomever I am talking to knows my heart. Hopefully this helps, because I refuse to wait until I become a grandmother to speak my mind, and I don’t want your offense to become an issue for me…especially when I’m speaking up for myself and my feelings.

I want to use the honesty of words to build others up when they have been knocked down.  I want to use the honesty of  words to speak life over myself and the lives of others.  I want to use the honesty of words to speak truth as well as my own truth.  


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October 10, 2017

In 2007, I made the big move of moving by myself to live closer to my fiancée.  That same year, I became a teacher, and got married.  All of these things were done in a matter of months.  May, August, December.  As the 1st letters of each month spell out, it was a M.A.D, but an exciting and challenging 7 months. Everything was new.  I was gaining a new family, a new career, and a new title…wife.

I was still fresh from my college experience but had no idea that the next 10 years would be a new journey of continuous growing and learning.  These last 10 years have definitely taught me a thing or ten.  This has been a time of self discovery and discovering how people can truly be.  I am just now beginning to understand my purpose in this world.  I haven’t figured everything out, but each day I believe I am getting closer.   Here are 10 things that I have learned, and am still striving to be confident in:

  1. Forgive yourself from past mistakes, because God has.
    • Sometimes we keep our own selves bound by not forgiving our own selves even when we ask people or God for forgiveness.
  2. Don’t worry about having children based on others’ timelines for your life.
    • Too many people rush into having children because they feel that’s what you do after you get married. Get to know your mate as a spouse.
  3. It’s okay to not have everything figured out by 30…you are still growing up.
    • 30 doesn’t mean you are an adult and should have all the answers by the time you reach that number… “age ain’t nothing but a numba”. We are still growing up.
  4. It’s okay to make mistakes; learn from them and move on.
    • Get over them, basking in them only adds stress to your life.
  5. Everything is not going to be comfortable.
    • Unplanned things happen. It’s about growth and becoming who you were meant to be.
  6. Don’t be afraid to speak up for yourself.
    • Don’t allow anyone to disrespect you. Stand up for yourself and respectfully speak your mind. As Michael Jackson said, “With love”.  
  7. DO what makes you happy. 
    • Stop living your life according to how others think you should be.  If it doesn’t displease God, then you are good!
  8. Everyone isn’t going to like you & that’s okay 🙂
    • Just keep swimming, just keep swimming, just keep swimming, swimming, swimming….
  9. Don’t feel like you always have to explain yourself. Some people just don’t want to understand you.
    • You’re not always the crazy one!! They just want to be confused/the victim.
  10. Never hide who you truly are, if it offends someone, that is not your problem.
    • Don’t add more problems to your life.

The number ten symbolizes the completion of a cycle.
It is the number of heaven, the world, and universal creation.  I look forward to what else is in store for me as I press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus . Philippians 3:14

October 10, 2017 (10/10/2017)

Comfortable Conversation

My circle is extremely small and those few people KNOW me.  They know when I am uncomfortable and they know when I need to recharge.  They can also tell if I am saying things because I am uncomfortable, and not because I am trying to be rude. 

Conversing is a skill that must be taught and people soon learn that there are different conversations for different audiences.  Conversation and comfort go hand in hand.  You should be comfortable with those you are speaking with.  What about those times that you are forced into places with people you aren’t as comfortable with, but conversation is expected?

I love being around my circle of friends or my closest family members. These are the people I feel most comfortable around.  I don’t feel pressure to force a conversation or to end the awkward silence that has pushed its way into the car or room.  I’m not concerned with what they are thinking or how they feel about me.  My circle is extremely small and those few people KNOW me.  They know when I am uncomfortable and they know when I need to recharge.  They can also tell if I am saying things because I am uncomfortable, and not because I am trying to be rude.  That’s another topic to write about later.

I am an introvert and I am most comfortable being around those that I know and I am uncomfortable around those that I don’t know.  I am an Introvert not by choice, but that’s the way it is.  Growing up and even through college, I was unaware of this characteristic.  I enjoyed, and still enjoy, going out and having fun with friends, but I also prefer to be by myself.  I am an only child, but that too is another writing topic for later.  In college, my friends and I would often go out, but I was with those I felt most comfortable around, so I was okay.  After graduating college I didn’t understand why I preferred to be home and not out with others.  It wasn’t until I watched a YouTube video to see what an Introvert and Extrovert was, that I made the connection.  I also realized that I had married an Extrovert, which explained why he was always the life of the party that I was eagerly trying to get away from.

There are times when I cannot be my true introverted self, such as in my classroom.  I must talk with my students and their parents, or the year will not go well.  Education, like other jobs under the umbrella of customer service, must have communication between the company and their clients or stakeholders.  This is something I have to do, but oddly enough, in my classroom I feel very comfortable.  I am nervous, but I get through it.

Often when I am around others or in places that I do feel uncomfortable, the only thing that is on my mind is the great escape.  I am determined to figure out how I cannot be around these tormentors; these people that I don’t know but have to be around.  I try with all of my might to think of something in order to strike up a conversation.  I am aware of the awkward silence and the need for talking, but I just don’t know what to say.  I also want whatever is said to come out sounding like I am truly genuine in my questions and conversations.  I feel like it would be obvious if I wasn’t genuine.    All of this wanting to converse exhausts me.  Along with feeling uncomfortable my energy is drained. I need to gain my strength back in the presence of isolation.  Oh Solitude, what sweet joyous songs you sing to me when it is just the two of us! Having this characteristic is very challenging when this issue is continued for multiple days.  It wouldn’t be too bad if this discomfort didn’t come from those I now must claim as family.  How can I get to know you, when it is obvious you are uncomfortable with me, but you bring friends and family around as distractions for you to be comfortable?  Hopefully I am wrong, but that’s how it seems.  I don’t need to get to know them, just you. Only those that think they know me, see these challenges as social anxiety.

Burning Bridges

“People burn their bridges until they realize they are stranded…then it is too late.”


The past can not always be left in the past.  Sometimes it sneaks its shriveled up head in the most unexpected places or at the most unexpected of times.  These memories reveal the scars that have been healed behind the bandages of time.  Lessons learned about the motives of others that were once called friends.

Picture it…Friday Night, 2017…a few college friends sitting around discussing our college days.  We were pretty much all a part of the same crowd, so we were all familiar with names and events of those that were being brought up in the conversations.  Some things were known and some were just now coming to light.  A few names that were continuously brought up had done a lot of bridge burning then and even recently.

How sad it is when the negative you do outshines the positive.  Disrespect, in the name of the Lord, will definitely not go unnoticed or unjudged by Him.  Some of those very people are to this day, taking advantage of God’s people for their own profitable gain and calling themselves prophets.  They tore others down, so that their name might flourish.  They hurt others, so that the lies they told wouldn’t be found out.  Some of us found this out about them through hurt and some found this out because of God’s revelation.

Many of them are only out for themselves, so they did and are continuing to live in that life.  I feel bad for their wives, whom they have deceived using that same slithery tongue of lies, that they use on their audiences today.  I feel sorry for their children because they are unaware of the no respect their parents receive.  I feel sorry for them because they think people have forgotten the hurt that they caused.  Hurt can be forgiven but can it truly be forgotten?  I can forgive you, but I am no longer able to trust you to not be anyone other than yourself.  I will say that because of these experiences with these people, we all learned that when someone shows you who they really are…believe them.

Maybe it’s a good thing they burned these bridges… for our safety.

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