Time to be Selfish

Christmas is around the corner 🎄✝️🎄✝️! This is the time of year, when people are supposed to look forward to spending time with loved ones right?  Doing all you can to add more memories to your mental scrapbook.  I’m doing my best to add memories, but I also plan on being a little selfish by expressing my truth.

It’s time to be truthful about how some family have treated me and made me feel.  How their actions have left me feeling insignificant, unimportant, less than.  This behavior hasn’t just been aimed at me, but also towards other family members and some friends.  I will, however, be speaking for myself.

It is past the time of getting this off my chest.  To finally have this burden, this weight from the brightest elephant in the room, removed. The discomfort of obvious tension is not something I am looking forward to continuing, especially since we are family.  If there are any misunderstandings, then let’s talk about them.  Let’s come to an understanding.  We can even agree to disagree; but I refuse to go into the new year with this unspoken frustration still floating in my mind.

Not wanting to make others uncomfortable is why I have kept my mouth closed.  I hate it, but I continue to put other people’s feelings before mine.  I continue to think of their comfort, so I always swallow what I want to say.  Always waiting for the right time and not wanting to discuss this very necessary conversation over the phone or on holidays….  It’s never the right time.

The vibe in the room will never fit; but I continue to give chance after chance. Always thinking, it’s not them it’s me.  Maybe I’m the problem and just need to get over it.  Maybe the issue is me.  Maybe they continue to offend because they truly don’t know.

No!!!!

That’s the fear of confrontation talking. That’s the fear of uncomfortable discussion.  The fear of that awkward silence and uncertainty of what happens next.  When finally the confrontation is over and the dammed up streams of emotions are free to be released.

Regardless of the discomfort, this needs to happen.  I’m not the problem!

I. am. not. the. problem!

It is not me!  Other people have seen and understand my frustration. The timing will never be right, but this conversation has to happen.  It’s time to be selfish.

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