As a teenager, I was repeatedly reprimanded because I had a “smart”, disrespectful mouth. I wasn’t purposefully trying to be this way. One of my problems was that I didn’t know that some things should be kept in my head and not said at all. The second problem, I was told, was that I lacked tact. I was constantly reminded to watch what I say and to think before I speak. This was to encourage me to work on what I was going to say and its delivery.
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Of course, I would heed the advice and sometimes even practice my responses or comments out loud, but I continued to fail at this…miserably. In my mind, I sounded fine, but judging by the receiver’s facial expression, I had again messed up. I eventually got to the point where I would just say what I wanted no matter how it sounded, because I didn’t know how not to say what I needed to say without offending, so I was in trouble quite a bit.
This followed me to college. I eventually became known for “speaking my mind”, so after a while I wore this as a badge of honor. I thought I was gaining respect and being noticed for this “admirable” quality, not realizing that people were losing respect for me and dreading many of the things that I said.
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Now don’t get me wrong, this wasn’t a problem with every conversation. I was able to talk to people without offending. I think problems arose when I was questioned, asked my opinion, or attempting to explain myself. As I stated before, I wasn’t purposefully trying to offend. I was just answering the question that was asked or explaining. Some people appreciated my bluntness, but the majority thought I could do with some fine tuning. They didn’t quite like how their question was being answered, or the way I sounded.
This is an area that I continue to struggle in today. I’m still confused on why one would ask a question and not want to hear the truth. If you truly know me, then you know my heart is not to hurt or upset anyone. My goal is to be truthful and honest without insulting. Now my question is WHAT DO I DO to remedy this problem? This is a huge problem for me and I don’t know what the solution is.
I continue to think before I speak. I continue to practice what I say. I’ve even gotten to the point where sometimes I’ll remain silent and not share my truth to keep the peace and not offend. All I can really do is pray and ask God to help me and my big mouth.
It was the worst of times, but we were able to continue.
For some reason during the pandemic I thought I would have a lot to share and have a lot say. With the constant showing of murders, marches, and worldwide deaths shown on the news, I didn’t express much about what I was hearing and witnessing. Maybe because so much seemed to be happening all at the same time. I instead wanted to disappear just to feel safe.
I felt as if I had nothing more to say. Maybe it was too overwhelming to find the words that truly captured the confusion and fear I was internalizing. My America and Our World was in open chaos. All at a standstill with people looking towards anything or anyone for answers and a true sense of hope.
When I wasn’t consumed with the reality of the world around me, life was …peaceful. I enjoyed the solitude of being shutdown while at home. Being at home became a necessary distraction for me…my Wardrobe, my Leaky Cauldron, my Pandora. The world seemed to be stuck in disarray. This would be a time history would never forget.
So much has happened since 2020. There’s been so much change. Though the world is no longer at a stand still, confusion and fear still manage to find a way in, but that’s just human nature. We all have those moments… . I don’t think we’ll get back to a place where all of the world is shut down, but we are still flourishing in a chaotic state. The pandemic brought about improvements in the areas that seemed to be the root of some stagnant issues that erupted during this time regarding medicine, technology, and civil rights. Positives did come out of the negative events taking place.
On a daily basis we are still reminded of the madness and darkness of mankind. When will it ever get better? It’s been 3 years since I have written on my blog. What do I have to say now? That despite the coldness of man’s heart and the evil that walks about the earth, we have to keep believing that if we made it then, we can and we will continue.
When we stand up for injustice, we are told that we shouldn’t. Whether peaceful and silent, or loud and violent we’re continuously told that it’s best to keep out of it, but what about the bullied?
Another man was killed in broad daylight because he was seen to be threatening. This “threat” was now lying face down with his hands handcuffed behind him, eventually begging for his mother and for his humanly instinct to breathe. He’s already in a position that would require assistance to get up, so how does he continue to be a threat? The only thing threatening about him was his full lips, broad nose, coarse hair, deep voice, broad shoulders, and dark skin. Being a black man made him threatening. This is something that’s been happening since the first African set foot on American soil at the hands of white people. I was once told that since black people, to some, are not seen as having souls, like animals, killing them is no big deal. George Floyd, Breonna Taylor, Ahmaud Arbery, and too many others are dead because they were black.
The world has been trained to view black people as threatening and in a negative light. The world has been trained to view black people as loud, obnoxious, wild, and lazy. Black women are viewed as ratchet, ghetto, hood, overtly sexy, jealous, and angry; yet our African features, our movements, our style, our personality is imitated throughout the world. Black men are viewed as being angry, uneducated, and thugs, yet the way they “entertain”, the way they move, and their style is envied all over the world. We are seen as savages, uncivilized, uncouth, and less than second-rate.
No matter how much black people have adapted to Western European standards… no matter how much of our African traditions and heritage was beat out of us to be replaced by the customs and traditions of our slave owners, no matter how much we’ve done to assimilate, we will NEVER be seen as equal through the eyes of many. We’ve been told to change the way we speak, the way we dress, and our hair because the way it grows out of our scalp is not right. It isn’t decent and it’s unacceptable. Black people will always have to continue to do more to prove ourselves, and even then, some would prefer to believe that we must have done something unethical to have been able to achieve.
When we stand up for injustice, we are told that we shouldn’t. Whether peaceful and silent, or loud and violent we’re continuously told that it’s best to keep out of it, stay quiet on the issue, and just run after the ball or continue to play fetch. We’re supposed to just go along and never speak up. “Just do your job and stay quiet to make life easier for yourselves”. We’re told that we should feel blessed and not complain about any mistreatment. But what about the bullied?
We teach children that if they are being bullied, they should tell someone that has the authority to bring an end to the bullying. The goal is to take the power away from the bully so that the victim can feel strengthened and no longer feel alone. This can only work if the bullying is truly stopped. If not, the bully will continue on knowing they’re able to get away with their actions. If the one being bullied continues to keep their frustrations inside while feeling voiceless… if they have told the appropriate persons and nothing has changed, the bullied tends to do something dramatic to finally be heard. From my observations, the bullied either violently takes it out on the school or on themselves. When this happens all that knew about the victim’s situation begin to speak up out of regret and remorse, for not having taken the child more seriously, for not being aware, or for not doing enough.
Too many times the bullies have been allowed to get away with their actions. They’ve gotten a slap on the wrist, so they continue to get away with actual murder. The thing is, by now all that have the authority, have seen the signs and have done nothing. Those that were supposed to listen to us didn’t and are now feeling remorse and regret. With the use of social media and smart phones the signs of hate can not be ignored; but they have been ignored. You ignored us and told us that we just needed to work hard and obey the laws and everything would be okay. You ignored us and told us we were making something out of nothing. You ignored us and told us that you didn’t believe our tales of the racial injustices we’ve experienced. You told us that if we just change something about ourselves things would get better. The bullied are tired. They’ve been tired. In the last few years the bullied silently attempted to protest, and the meaning behind it was purposefully misinterpreted.
The bullied will no longer silent in their protest, and now many are taking dramatic action. We are screaming out for change! We are screaming out for justice! We are screaming out for Equality! We are screaming out because it is right! We are screaming out because we matter!
My Life Matters–My Husband’s Life Matters–My Family’s Life Matters– Black Lives Matter!
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Yesterday was Mother’s Day. Happy Mother’s Day to all of the wonderful mother’s and future wonderful mothers out there in the world. Happy Mother’s Day to the beautiful mother’s of the past, that despite the hardships still mothered. For many this is an easier day to celebrate than Father’s Day. For some it used to…
Creating a vision board can help you see that your goals are obtainable. Here are 5 steps to get you started.
Make the VISION Plain, so that you can see it.
Your Word Wall, helps to speak Life to manifest those dreams. You are using these words to encourage yourself to reach the dreams that God has placed in your heart. Creating a vision board helps you visualize the dream(s). They help you see that your goals are obtainable. You can add some of your word wall words to your vision board so that your words can line up with what you see for yourself. Here are 5 steps to help get you started.
You’ve got to be able to SEE IT!
Get poster board & glue or foam/cork board & push pins
It can be any size that you want. Maybe your wall.
Use page(s) in your daily journal to glue your vision to.
Get Magazines that represent YOU.
Use the magazine to find pictures and words that represent your goals. Cut them out to glue onto your poster board. If you are able to use magazines you already own or can use from someone you know, you can save money on this.
If you are in your 30s on up, you probably don’t need to use the magazine Seventeen. If you don’t golf, Golf Magazine may not be one that you need. Get magazines that represent you.
I’m adding a checklist to mine, so that I can check off the goals I reach throughout the year.
Add anything that positively represents your goals.
Sticker Letters/Decorations (Optional)
This can help jazz up your vision board. Add your personality/your spin to YOUR Vision. The vision board is a representation of you. Design it however you want it to look. Some people even add lights to theirs. Go Crazy! Do whatever you want to reflect your personality.
Have Fun!
Enjoy this time of making the vision plain.
Play music!
Re-watch a movie that you already know everything that’s going on, so you don’t have to really focus on it—just for background noise.
Have a Vision Board Party and invite others over so that positivity can reign over everyone there.
It’s good to have someone other than you that is able to keep you accountable to your goals, if you should happen to get side tracked or discouraged.
Now Run with it! (Habakkuk 2:2-3)
Place the vision board somewhere that you can see it everyday. On the wall next to your bed or in your work space.
Take a picture of it and place a copy in your journal so that everyday you are able to see it.
Let it be the Wallpaper on your phone, computer, or tablet.
Now focus on those goals! Don’t lose sight of those dreams! Keep God at the focal point and pray to him about each step to take. If He put it in your heart, it will come to pass.
Encourage yourself daily. Speak Life into your Visions & Goals at every chance, especially when you start to doubt or think “it” won’t happen. Remind the Enemy about what Your God says about you. (Philippians 4:13)
So many people create their own unique ways for their vision boards. Check out Pinterest for some examples of Vision Boards. Have fun with this. After all, this represents you and it’s for you.
****I hope this series, Year of Me, was encouraging to you. Please share with me the plans you are already working towards in the comment section.****
Make sure your vision is plain and realistic. Make the vision plain, so that you know your expectations. Make the vision realistic so you can attain success!
Year of Me: …Make it Plain
What goals do you want to reach in your life time? What do you want to accomplish this year? Are you making the necessary steps in that direction? You can start working towards these goals now! Just because it’s no longer January doesn’t mean that you can’t walk in the direction of your heart’s desires. Start as soon as possible. Whatever goals you are setting for this year, should be a step in the direction you have for whatever your main goal is. Your monthly goals should lead to your yearly goals, which lead to your life time goals.
Make sure that the goals you set are plain and realistic.
Make sure you know what you want. For example: weight loss goals are nothing new, but having a weight loss goal to lose 50 pounds in a month is not realistic. I don’t care if you are Keto dieting or had a surgery…no ma’am, no sir. Losing that much weight in a month isn’t healthy. Strive to lose about 5-10 pounds a month. This is healthier and realistic.
Make the vision plain, so that you know your expectations.
Wanting to have a better job, but quitting the one you have when you still have bills is not smart. Continue to work that job you loathe, but also work towards the change you want. When the right time comes, you’ll be able to leave that job and still be financially stable. Another way to look at this is don’t leave a job until you have another job. When making goals and desiring change, you’ve got to be smart.
Make the vision realistic so you can attain success!
As stated before, your monthly goals should be made to approach your yearly goals, and your yearly goals should be striving to reach your main goal. Ever heard of the saying, “Make the Main Thing, your Main thing”? Everyday, be sure to take the necessary steps so that your main goal is your focus. Make your vision plain so that you are clear on what you are working towards, but don’t forger to make them realistic too.
Words have Power. Speak positively over your life. How will you use your words?
Year of Me: Write the Vision…
I have many things I want to accomplish, and even though Aaliyah said, “Age Ain’t Nuthin but a Number”, I feel like my time is getting away from me. No, I don’t feel as if death is knocking at my door or even walking in my direction, praise God, but there is a lot that I want to do and I feel like I’m gettin’ too old and won’t be able to do everything. I’ve been complacent for far too long. Each new year I find myself in the same place of wanting a change and wanting to do me, yet I am doing nothing to make that happen. I have allowed not only myself, but also people to halt my progress to achieve what I want out of life. Fears have stopped me.
The Fear of the words from others are included. Whether it’s from family or Facebook “friends”. As much as I strive to not care for the thoughts of others, this outlook can still be challenging. Maybe it’s because I am truly not confident in myself, so having someone else speak out what I am trying to suppress, stirs up the doubt. WHOAAAAA!!!!!!! Why didn’t I study Psychology???? Dang it!!! I know that was some looking inside your insides to discover who you is kinda stuff (yes, I meant to say, “Who you is”).
In this year of me, I have decided that I am going to write the vision and make it plain (Habakukk 2:2). I hear about people creating vision boards. I’ve always thought they were artistic and unique, but I’ve never completed or attempted to create one. I never made a vision board, but I used words to write what I wanted. I did this to “plan out my life” and to list the characteristics I wanted in a husband. I was consistent in the latter and that most definitely worked in my favor. I have THE BEST HUZ-BAND!!! If my consistence worked for my Husband, why not use this for my other dreams and goals.
A personal word wall? Displaying words that encourage me to believe in my dreams can be helpful. Not only am I “writing” the vision, but also calling my dreams and goals into existence. It’s the “calling those things that be not as though they were” and “speaking life into my situation”. All of this are principles found in the Bible. *(Isaiah 55:11; Matthew 4:4; Mark 11:23)* Meditating on these positive and focused words can help me with being successful in my ambitions. I have the ability to speak life into my well being and these desires that I believe God has given me. Words have Power. How will you use yours?
For “Whoever desires to love life and see good days, let him keep his tongue from evil and his lips from speaking deceit.-1 Peter 3:10
I won’t allow fear of failure or fear of being uninteresting stop me. This year I will focus on being a better me and finding what makes me happy. My collegiate choices led me to this moment, so let’s discover why. This year will be different…this is my year of doing me.
Spring Break was last week. It began with the celebration of my birthday. I turned a large odd number this year. It feels weird because I don’t know how to feel. Am I supposed to feel older? I don’t. I’m still whining on Facebook about not being able to find my favorite cereal at the store.
When you begin a new chapter in the book of your life, you begin to think back on how the plot of your story is going? There are some things that I wish I had already accomplished by now. You know how you see yourself in a different place in life because you told yourself that when you hit a certain age, you should be doing ___________. My thing is, I still don’t know what I want to be when I grow up. So my fill in the blank needs to be filled in again. I thought I knew. I spent a lot of money (still spending a lot of money) on what I thought I knew I wanted. I thought I would have so many things figured out by now….
Only a few people know what they want to be when they are 18. I learned more about myself after graduating from college, so change feels too late. I sometimes wonder if I made the right choices in my collegiate decisions. Life would be so vastly different if I had only been given certain information about career choices, but I had made up my mind about what I was going to do and I already knew the college that would help make it achievable. If I had really gone to college for me, things would be different….
But it’s too late to look back and have regrets. This year is going to be different. I will be focused on discovering what I am good at and work hard so that I can profit from those skills. I won’t allow fear of failure or fear of being uninteresting stop me. This year I will focus on being a better me and finding what makes me happy. My collegiate choices led me to this moment, so let’s discover why. This year will be different…this is the year of me!
What discoveries have you made about yourself? What goal would you like to achieve?
Not wanting to make others uncomfortable is why I have kept my mouth closed. I hate it, but I continue to put other people’s feelings before mine. I continue to think of their comfort, so I always swallow what I want to say. Always waiting for the right time. There’s never going to be a right time.
Christmas is around the corner 🎄✝️🎄✝️! This is the time of year, when people are supposed to look forward to spending time with loved ones right? Doing all you can to add more memories to your mental scrapbook. I’m doing my best to add memories, but I also plan on being a little selfish by expressing my truth.
It’s time to be truthful about how some family have treated me and made me feel. How their actions have left me feeling insignificant, unimportant, less than. This behavior hasn’t just been aimed at me, but also towards other family members and some friends. I will, however, be speaking for myself.
It is past the time of getting this off my chest. To finally have this burden, this weight from the brightest elephant in the room, removed. The discomfort of obvious tension is not something I am looking forward to continuing, especially since we are family. If there are any misunderstandings, then let’s talk about them. Let’s come to an understanding. We can even agree to disagree; but I refuse to go into the new year with this unspoken frustration still floating in my mind.
Not wanting to make others uncomfortable is why I have kept my mouth closed. I hate it, but I continue to put other people’s feelings before mine. I continue to think of their comfort, so I always swallow what I want to say. Always waiting for the right time and not wanting to discuss this very necessary conversation over the phone or on holidays…. It’s never the right time.
The vibe in the room will never fit; but I continue to give chance after chance. Always thinking, it’s not them it’s me. Maybe I’m the problem and just need to get over it. Maybe the issue is me. Maybe they continue to offend because they truly don’t know.
No!!!!
That’s the fear of confrontation talking. That’s the fear of uncomfortable discussion. The fear of that awkward silence and uncertainty of what happens next. When finally the confrontation is over and the dammed up streams of emotions are free to be released.
Regardless of the discomfort, this needs to happen. I’m not the problem!
I. am. not. the. problem!
It is not me! Other people have seen and understand my frustration. The timing will never be right, but this conversation has to happen. It’s time to be selfish.
Thank you for reading! Please comment, like, and/or subscribe!
Finding Beauty PART 1: Lesson from a Cut
The first week I had my new cut (Teeny Tiny Weeny Afro), was the Thursday before Thanksgiving. It was cut a little lower than I had preferred and I felt my confidence reach a new low. I thought I resembled a rapper from the 99 and 2000.
I cut my hair again. This will be the 3rdtime I have “big chopped” my hair and the 2ndtime it was “big chopped” into a TTWA (Teeny Tiny Weeny Afro). I have allowed my hair to grow in its natural state for the past 4 years. A hair choice that I made without caring what others thought, until now.
The first week I had my new cut (Teeny Tiny Weeny Afro), was the Thursday before this Thanksgiving. It was cut a little lower than I had preferred and I felt my confidence reach a new low. In the last 12 years, I have gained a lot of weight. So much so that I believe I am unrecognizable to those that knew me in high school and college, and when I focus on this physical change I get down on myself. But that’s another blog for another time. Anyway because of the weight gain and the lower than expected cut, I felt like I looked like a man. More specifically, I thought I resembled the rapper Mannie Fresh. For those that don’t know who he is, Mannie Fresh was a rapper and DJ brought to prominence by Cash Money Records, back in the 99 and 2000. He used to rap and produce music with Lil’ Wayne when he first came out. My husband laughed with me as I joked to hide my disappointment, but was quick to remind me that he still saw me as the beautiful woman he married. I love how he loves me Flaws and All.
I tried to believe him beyond what I saw reflecting back at me, but when I was at a store, I was almost called Sir! Yep! I was confused with being a male. This happened before when I was a child, but that too is another story.
—-Here’s how it happened this time—-
At the grocery store, a man was coming down the aisle I was on. He was very focused on finding chips. He had a flock of little boys along with him, that were getting snacks for a birthday sleepover. He was walking towards me while continuing to look at the chip section, when he realized that he was about to be in my way. In a very polite voice he said,” Excuse me sss-ma’am”. During his back peddling of replacing “sss” with “ma’am”, the damage had already been done. He had spoken the truth and I heard him. I looked like a chunky young man. I don’t desire to look like a man, so this just added more fuel to the burning embers in my hearth of self pity. Every time I looked in a mirror, I was full of regret and disappointment. My confidence was no where to be found. I even tried not to make eye contact with others because of my embarrassment in how I looked.
The next day at a different store in Alabama (we were traveling for Thanksgiving) an older lady asked for my opinion about a hat she was trying on. I told her what I thought and she agreed. She mentioned that she actually wanted something more snug. She then took the hat off and I saw that she was practically bald with some patches of gray hair sticking out wildly. She explained to me that she had survived cancer twice, and her hair was always being shaved off. She added that she wanted a hat with a tighter fit, that could protect her head from the cold, and was also stylish.
In that 5 minutes I was quickly brought back to reality. How dare I continue to base my beauty off of the length of my hair from a choice I made, from a cut I wanted. I also allowed the thoughts of others become too great in my mind that I felt worthless. This lady had no choice in the length of her cut because it all had to be removed for reasons out of her hand. She didn’t care what others thought because she knew there was more to LIFE than hair.
I realized that I needed to shut up and stop complaining about my cut gone wrong and I learned a lesson about beauty and thankfulness. I can not base my beauty on what the eyes can see. Yes, I have changed a lot physically since high school and college, but if I was beautiful then I’m still beautiful now. No matter how much has been added to my weight and no matter the length of my hair. I am thankful that I am not fighting a battle that could cost me more than some hair. It’s just hair…mine can grow back.
I am also thankful that I have a husband, that sees me as beautiful even when I don’t. He sees me the way I need to see myself, Beautiful and Secure in myself no matter what.
“I AM NOT MY HAIR”-India.Arie
Thank you for reading! Please comment, like, and/or subscribe!
Cha, Cha, Changes! This Blog, will no longer be called Dear Diary. It will now be called…Kat’s Eye View!
…KAT’S EYE VIEW
In September, I announced that I would be changing my blog’s name. Well 2 months later, it has now happened. My blog will no longer be called Dear Diary… (www.deardiary.biz), but will be calledKat’s Eye View (www.katseyeview.org).
I plan to do more story telling, vignettes, and give more of my opinions on things I notice in this wonderfully chaotic, beautifully terrible, disappointingly mesmerizing world we live in.
I plan to post once a week on Tuesdays, so be on the lookout for new articles beginning next Tuesday.
Please know that I am very grateful to you, for taking the time to read my writings and/or for subscribing to my blog. I will leave some of my posts from Dear Diary…, so please feel free to read them and any of my future post brought to you from Kat’s Eye View.
Kat's Eye View 