Me & My Big Mouth

As a teenager, I was repeatedly reprimanded because I had a “smart”, disrespectful mouth.  I wasn’t purposefully trying to be this way. One of  my problems was that I didn’t know that some things should be kept in my head and not said at all.  The second problem, I was told, was that I lacked tact.  I was constantly reminded to watch what I say and to think before I speak.  This was to encourage me to work on what I was going to say and its delivery.

Of course, I would heed the advice and sometimes even practice my responses or comments out loud, but I continued to fail at this…miserably.    In my mind, I sounded fine, but judging by the receiver’s facial expression, I had again messed up.  I eventually got to the point where I would just say what I wanted no matter how it sounded, because I didn’t know how not to say what I needed to say without offending, so I was in trouble quite a bit. 

This followed me to college.  I eventually became known for “speaking my mind”, so after a while I wore this as a badge of honor.  I thought I was gaining respect and being noticed for this “admirable” quality,   not realizing that people were losing respect for me and dreading many of the things that I said.

Now don’t get me wrong, this wasn’t a problem with every conversation.  I was able to talk to people without offending.  I think problems arose when I was questioned, asked my opinion, or attempting to explain myself.  As I stated before, I wasn’t purposefully trying to offend.  I was just answering the question that was asked or explaining.  Some people appreciated my bluntness, but the majority thought I could do with some fine tuning. They didn’t quite like how their question was being answered, or the way I sounded.

This is an area that I continue to struggle in today.  I’m still confused on why one would ask a question and not want to hear the truth.  If you truly know me, then you know my heart is not to hurt or upset anyone. My goal is to be truthful and honest without insulting. Now my question is WHAT DO I DO to remedy this problem? This is a huge problem for me and I don’t know what the solution is.

I continue to think before I speak. I continue to practice what I say. I’ve even gotten to the point where sometimes I’ll remain silent and not share my truth to keep the peace and not offend. All I can really do is pray and ask God to help me and my big mouth.