That Time I Tried to Cuss

Today, while the Huz-band and I were out for lunch, we heard a young guy, possibly around 18 or 19, use the F word (Fucking) around his mother to describe how great a friend of his was.  We both looked at each other like, “Did he just say that in front of his mom”?  We would have never thought to say anything like that in front of our parents and we’re much older than he is.

This led me to thinking about curse words.  I didn’t grow up with profanity being used in my home.  My parents didn’t use them so the only time I would hear a “bad word” was every now and again on television, whenever I wasn’t watching cartoons, or by the “bad” kids at school.  I remember a time in 5th grade when my classmates decided to start using curse words.  This was a big deal.  The words would be used in the privacy of our peers of course, and during recess.  Pretty much anytime an adult’s ear wasn’t around lurking.

I can remember really trying to decide if I should or shouldn’t participate in this.  Since I grew up in a Christian home, my parents really did their best with trying to instill in me to only do things that would be pleasing to the Lord. That meant that cursing was not an option.  My friends knew that I was a “church girl”, but the peer pressure was still on.

One day a teacher changed their mind on allowing me and a few classmates to do something.  I don’t remember what it was, but the teacher had said we could do something, then they changed their mind and said we couldn’t.  We were all upset, and my friends started cussing away, as best as any fifth graders could do.  I too was very upset, mumbling, and complaining, but I never cursed.

Then my friend Julia said, “Come on, curse.  You know you want to.  It’ll feel good”.

This was 5th grade temptation at its finest.

My response was, “I don’t know how.”

Julia continued with, “Girl, just say whatever you want.  It doesn’t matter.  Just get it out!”

I remained quiet as I thought about Julia’s words.  “Should I give in?” I thought to myself.

“I don’t give a damn shit!” I blurted out.  I had done it!  I finally said a curse word…out loud!  “She gets on my mother-damn nerves!” I added.

I know, I know.  I wasn’t pairing the words up correctly, but oh this felt good!  “That stupid shit woman always messing everything up!” I added.  Yes, I am aware I needed practice and my current students could have cursed circles around me.

Remember, I told ya’ll I wasn’t around people that cursed.  I mostly watched cartoons, so I was doing my best!  I was saying the only words I felt comfortable saying.  I had no idea how to say them so they’d make since, but the point was I had cussed.  Miss Goody-two-shoes had done it!

Julia put her arms around my shoulders and said, “Okay. That’s enough!  Don’t you feel better?”

It did feel good to get the frustration out, but I didn’t feel better.  I felt bad.  I felt horrible.  I quietly asked God to forgive me because I knew I hadn’t made Him proud.  I had done something that wasn’t me.  Something that made me appear to be just like everyone else all so that I could fit in.  This was the last day I used that type of language at school.  Even to this day when Satan’s little minions are working my nerves, I never release the harmonious phrases that swirl in my mind.  Nay will I utter such vile expressions towards the young inhabitants I edify.  Nay I say, Nay!  Although tempting, because they hear these epithets at home and sneakily use them in the hallways, I dare not do the same…I pray.

On a more serious note, the older I get the more I realize why I hear people of the church use profanity.  It’s not because they don’t love God and are not striving to live a life pleasing to him, it’s possibly just because sometimes…a little more vocabulary is needed to express one’s frustrations or even joy.  Sometimes the only way to reach someone is to speak to them in a way they truly understand.  I know there are many places in the world where words considered as curse words, are no big deal whether you go to church or not.  It’s just a part of their daily speaking like saying Hello, Bye, or Leave me alone.

Cursing, I believe, can be an art form.  Some people are truly talented in this area.  They know exactly how to place those words, exactly where they need to go.  Whether to make a story comical or just to be used in general speaking.  To this day I admit that I am not a true participator in the art of cursing and I do make an effort to not use them, but who knows what the future may hold, so don’t try me.  I’m grown now and I have a better grasp on how to put them words together.

Even still, I could never use profanity in front of a parent like that young guy I spoke of earlier did, no matter how grown I am.  These lips would be rattling on the floor.  Could you and would you be able to get away with it?

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